My little girl

[Mad Mat]

I agree. The teacher/student relationship is an important one, and after all the time spent together she needs to have a sit down with him to get some closure on both sides. I have a young student who left me after 2 + years of instruction and still hasn't talked to me about it, despite his mother telling him he should. Still a little hole in my heart on that one.

[GrimFinger]

The desire of the teacher to "know" why a student stops taking martial arts instruction doesn't outweigh the desire of the student to operate on their own time schedule and emotional schedule for giving a reason for quitting. The teacher-student relationship is not sacred. Furthermore, it may not mean as much to the student as to the teacher. Let the teacher practice the self-discipline that they seek to instill in their students, and let the teacher practice patience in waiting on the student for when the time is right for the student to talk.

[Bytor of the Snowdogs]

Which is what I believe every teacher of worth would do. They might feel regret, remorse, or disrespected, but still, they continue onward. Sometime drifting back, inside their own minds to that incompleteness left from such a turn of events. Honor and respect are such fickle traits these days. Allowing your child to walk free from such circumstances without a word, and devoid of such inward honor, is no way to perform your own duty of honor to said child.

Children are born with naught but those that bore them, and sometimes even less. They have very little conscience, respect, or honor, to begin with. It is a parents solemn duty to instill a sense of honor and respect into their child(ren). Not just to them, the parent, but to any and all that pass through their lives. To attempt to do any less brings dishonor to ones self, no matter that parents rationalizations. Such dishonor will most certainly lessen any other achievment that parent may have made prior to parenthood.

The world does not lack morals as much as it lacks respect to one's own self and those that surround one's self. For respect freely given is the ultimate gift. Often witheld out of the sheer ignorance of it's meaning and benifits. To have a child that is disrespectful of others without due cause, and to do nothing about it, is shameful. There is no way around that fact. Once respect is worked for and earned, it should become as the gift freely given. Otherwise, all else is lost. Without respect there are no morals. Without honor there is no respect. Honor and respect lay the foundation of morality. The true basis of humanity.

[GrimFinger]

Children, when they are born, are incapable of comprehending the concept of honor. The proposition thusly stated, "For respect freely given is the ultimate gift," traces its origin to what? I ask, since that is the very first time in my entire life that I have ever heard such. What makes respect freely given the ultimate gift? I certainly would not agree with such an assertion.

It is worth noting that one can have respect, while remaining silent. Furthermore, if one's reasons for not sharing an explanation are based upon something else, then "respect" does not exist detached from reality.

If your child disagrees with your attempt to rationalize the scenario, and with your desire to encumber and to complicate the issue at heart, then don't be surprised when what you advocate under the guise of "respect and honor" eventually blows up in everyone's face.

Be careful what you ask for, especially when you pressure your child needlessly, for you may very well get it. Then, instead of respect and honor and maxims, what you will have splattered all over your face is irony.

To mature and to obtain an independent spirit, one must at some point stand their ground, even if in direct opposition to what one's own parents contend. Parents are rather imperfect creatures. They are not always right.

You just sound like you want to meddle, to me, Meddletor. Besides, maybe it's not such a big deal to her. She has her own problems in life to deal with. It's her brain that has to sort it all out, and it is her own conscience that she must sleep with - not yours.

Quit trying to chain the child, give her some breathing room, and cut her some slack. Morals will survive her decision. She has enough pressure and issues in her life to contend with, without you trying to lay a guilt trip upon her.

Five bucks says that you end up blowing this one out your ass.

[Bytor of the Snowdogs]

You'd lose that $5 bucks.

They talked, and things went very well. The door was left open for a possible return at some future point. It all ended with a tear, a hug, and a pat on the back. The tear came when she bowed on her way out of the dojo which is customary when leaving the learning area after class.

There was no guilt trip, no cajoling, no pressure. All I did is asked if she was going to tell him herself and gave her the ride. I'm not as lousy at parenting as you think. The fact that I've never really "grown up" helps a lot.